Growing up, I never really dealt with body image issues. I wasn’t abnormally confident, it just wasn’t something I thought about that much. And for the most part people never really commented on my weight.
However, I began to notice that change about halfway through my senior year.
I began to get a lot of compliments on my body. When people would ask how I did it, I felt weird saying that it was because I crapped out anything and everything I ate. However, the responses I would get to that were even weirder.
“Wow, you’re so lucky!”
“Well at least you look good.”
“I wish I had that problem.”
Mentally and emotionally it was so hard to handle these responses. Here I am, feeling the worst I’ve ever felt, and people are praising my illness. I felt like people were ignoring the emotional and physical toll I was going through, as we live in a society where weight loss is seen as the ultimate goal.
There would be times that I found myself trying to talk about the struggles I dealt with when it came to my extreme weight loss, but they typically got shot down.
“Oh, you aren’t able to find pants that are small enough to fit around your waist? That’s such a hard problem to have. I wish that was the problem I had to deal with.”
Look, I get it. Society is structured in a way to benefit thin people. I understand that I cannot fully grasp the struggles others have. But that doesn’t invalidate my struggles.
When it comes to insecurities, it’s not a competition. It is not your place to tell people what they should and shouldn’t be insecure about.
It’s not so much my body that I’m insecure about. It’s more the constant and rapid change that I’m trying to get used to. It’s the correlation between weight loss and how I’m feeling that takes a toll.
When people say they wish they had my problem, it is incredibly frustrating. I wouldn’t wish Crohn’s upon anyone, so I don’t understand how someone could say that they would be willing to take it just to fit into a societal mold. It’s not worth it.
When people say that me complaining about being too small to find jeans that fit correctly is stupid, they clearly don’t understand that the struggle is much deeper than a pant size. There’s a lot more to it than what’s at the surface.
So, when should you bring up weight to someone?
You shouldn’t.
That is a personal issue that is unnecessary to bring up. If you don’t know someone’s backstory, don’t make comments or assumptions.
And if someone tries to talk about their problems to you, listen to them and offer supportive words. Don’t discredit how they’re feeling. Odds are if they’re opening up to you about it, it means they trust you. So don’t destroy that trust.
Crohn's is Crappy 